2:59 a.m. and I am wide awake, one minute before the alarm clock goes off. I think to myself: it’s not right to be awake at this time for any reason, why would anything be scheduled in the middle of the night? Half-asleep I make my way anyway to the car and onto the road heading to the airport.
After dropping off my suitcase and feeling much lighter without 51 pounds and lucky that I didn’t get charged for the additional pound. I’m sure that my nervousness and sleep deprivation are to blame and the fact that I’m wearing a couple of additional layers of clothing that did not make it into my suitcase.
As I make my way to the security control area, I begin taking apart my carefully organized carry-on to expose the largest size Ziploc bag containing dangerous liquids. Who knew that lip balm was a liquid? The regulations say that one is allowed a maximum of 10 containers with 10ml each for a total of one liter. This is where I start questioning the math: to reach the maximum allowance of 1 liter, logically you could have five bottles with 20ml each and still reach the same total. My next question is: What’s the purpose of the Ziploc bag? Will it prevent my explosive lipstick from blowing up the airplane and just combust inside the baggie? And what is the reason for having to remove the laptop from its case? Will the x-ray machine not be able to see the computer through the case even though it can see through a hard-shell suitcase?
After taking off my jacket, scarf, two sweaters, shoes, and jewelry, and putting all of my personal belongings each into a separate tray to roll down and through the x-ray machine, I get directed to walk through a scanner and that’s when I start thinking to myself: Is my underwear matching today? The naked scanner doesn’t even take 10 seconds, and the personnel sitting behind the monitor doesn’t seem to be entertained by what they see so I proceed to collect my belongings.
Because they make you get to the airport at least two hours before your flight, I now have one hour and 15 minutes left to treat myself to an overpriced latte at Starbucks and do some window-shopping and people-watching. Sometimes I wonder about the degree of preparation people go through for their travels. When I get ready to travel for a prolonged time, I want to be comfortable and make this time less exhausting so I wear loungewear (I prefer that term to “sweats,” which sounds less classy); I will not restrict my blood supply like I would wearing skinny jeans.
Finally, it’s time to move towards my proper gate area and suddenly I find myself in a hurry because I wasn’t expecting to have to walk five miles to get there. After a few more security checks I am allowed to board the airplane. I slowly progress to my assigned seat number, and hope to have a “neutral’ neighbor sitting next to me, and by neutral I mean someone who fits into their seat comfortably, preferably with no strong body odor, and neither a mother with a baby or a child who will not fall asleep throughout the entire flight and might actually make use of the paper bag provided in the front seat pocket. I sit down and start browsing through the flight magazine to check out the in-flight entertainment and duty free shopping offers.
Just before take-off, the flight attendants also advise the passengers to fold up their tray tables for safety reasons. Immediately another question comes to my mind: What part does the tray table play in case of an emergency? If the plane goes down, will those passengers who folded up their tray table survive if the plane is torn apart as compared to those people who who didn’t? I don’t even make it through the take-off before I pass out, my head leaning against the fogged up window, and it feels lke only a few minutes before I’m woken up by a female voice asking me whether I would like peanuts or pretzels and what kind of drink I’d prefer.
After watching a few movies and trying to all back asleep, I find out that the plane will be getting ready to land and I’m advised to prepare myself for the descent. Why do I need to prepare myself? In my opinion it’s the pilot who needs to prepare himself for landing and to bring down the plane safely. Soon we land smoothly and it only takes me half an hour to exit the airplane before I enter into the airport and the whole procedure begins all over again—three connecting flights ahead of me.